I had this email shared to me by my Sister in law Lindsay- Thanks Lindsay. Also thanks to my friend Carli (one of Lindsay's sister's) who got this and shared this from a Church meeting, and talk.
My friend, Amidey, (yeah it is an odd name-pronounced Am eh D---I hate it when I get hung up on trying to say someone's name and can't focus on the rest...so there is pronunciation for ya.) Anyway, Amidey, has 6 kids and has been married 18 years. She said they had the best 1st year of marriage ever but 3 kids into it things were getting tougher. They weren't fighting or anything, they just had an empty relationship, they were going through the motions. Her husband was working a ton and she was taking care of the kids all by herself all the time. It was inconvenient when he would be home because it would mess with her schedule. They weren't in danger of divorce, but they weren't HAPPY.
One day her hubby came to her and said, "I want to make you happy, that is my #1 goal, tell me 3 things I can improve on and he wrote them down." She told him 3 things and then asked for 3 things from him. He kissed her and said you are perfect. Each week he would check with her and add another couple items to the list. Each week she would give him things for his list. He strove to make her life easier and within a couple of weeks, she was reciprocating his actions. All of the sudden they were working so hard to make the other person happy and THEY were So happy. It only took 1 person to start the focus and their marriage improved a million times. They are the happiest, mos tin love couple you have ever seen. I love em both! She gave 8 tips:
1. Communicate: Talk to each other! Which sounds better: your spouse makes you mad about something, but you don't tell them. You walk around angry for 3 days and then finally your spouse says, did I do something to make you mad? and you yell DUH *&^&^%^$^*^*&(*&. OR right after it happens say, hey that really upset me.....communicate. If you need help with the dishes or packing a lunch from work, just ask, don't fume when the other doesn't read your mind.
2. Focus on the Positive: Chances are your spouse didn't just say that comment to hurt your feelings. Example:
Husband: I can't eat your chili.
Wife thinks: I spent all day making him this chili from scratch and now he can't eat it, the last time he said it had no flavor this time I am sure it is too spicy.....I can't ever do it right, I am never cooking again. I hate chili anyway.
Chances are that is not what he meant SO REPEAT back what he said: You can't eat my chili? Husband: No, I have an ulcer and I can't eat anything spicy.
Wife: OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
3. Love is a Verb Do loving things. Wrap up 2 Oreo's and set them on the dashboard of the car....who doesn't love oreos and you didn't even have to bake! :) Be kind and thoughtful to each other. Find something that is so important to your spouse. example: If your husband LOVES to be met at the door with hugs and kisses from you and the kids. DO it, it will make his night and feel appreciated for his hard work each day! If your wife loves to have her back rubbed, DO IT, it will make her night and feel loved!
4.Forgiveness: Forgive. We all make mistakes, holler, fight, show our worst selves to our family. Be quick to forgive and they will be quick to forgive back!
5. Be your best self: Be the person you were when you were dating. When you went out to dinner on a date were you sitting there with your head back saying, MY LIFE IS RUNNING ME OVER!" No, you were cheerful, fun, playful....be that person. Don't be afraid to get dressed up.
6. Focus on your spouses needs first: Think, what can i do to make my spouses day better. Make him a lunch? Do the dishes when I get home from work? Help kids with homework, offer to make dinner for her? Call him or leave a love note text/message? Make his fav. dinner or surprise him with a fav. dessert?
7. When you both give, it works!: One person can start this and before you know it, the other person will desire to treat you as well as you are treating them....it is just natural. You have to be open and be ready to hear honest comments like "this meal isn't working for me."
8. The divine triangle: Imagine a triangle. Heavenly Father is the top point and you and your spouse are the 2 bottom points. as you each work your way towards God by serving your spouse, going to church, reading, praying, etc. you get closer and closer to God but also to each other. Awesome right?
I LOVED this class. I didn't do it justice, but it was so good and it has stuck with me. give give give to your spouse and your marriage will be one of happiness! :)
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